Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
