Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
