32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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