Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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