apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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