So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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