No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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