I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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