The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
