Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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