I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
