I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
