So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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