Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize