No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's Friday. Sex?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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