I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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