her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
