if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
