I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize