HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
