The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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