Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
