Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize