Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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