I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
