I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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