no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How naked do you want me to be?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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