someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
