I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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