How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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