end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a hot homeless man
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
