Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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