I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
