So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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