How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I want her autograph on my taint
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
