2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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