He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize