this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
