Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
