So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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