i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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