Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
