we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
