This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
