shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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