just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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