I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
