We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
