I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
