Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
