Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
