Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
