Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize