I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
