Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
