We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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