I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
