I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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