He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
