you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I could make wine with my vomit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
