I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize