I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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