i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
