And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
