At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
