how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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