We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
