I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
