The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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