i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
